The other day, my co-worker and I were talking about whatever we're prone to talk about and a Space Ghost reference came to mind.
Well I set about finding that CD only to remember I think my ex got it in the split. To put the matter at ease I stupidly sent a facebook message to her asking her if such was the case.
Her reply said she did have it and OHBYTHEWAY, my husband still wants to meet you. Stating it won't happen unless I find myself in Montana. (Something which has yet to ever happen by the grace of God). I wrote it off saying surely you've convinced him that I'm not worth the effort by now.
I get a message saying this:
This is the husband. Hi.
Explain away as she did, I still did, and do, want to meet you. She doesn't know I am writing you, as she left her facebook up and left the area (something about that whole "what's yours is mine" clause....) anyway, it might seem quite strange, as my wife has not expressed a desired to meet my previous interest either. o well. Hope you find a suitable second for your space ghost CD. I would offer you some pirated mp3s if I had them, but alas, they were destroyed when I threw out my college comp.
Ok. Sure. You're crazy. Whatever.
So, irregardless of my wife's sound advice to the opposite, I composed this and sent it off POST HASTE.
Please pass this on to "the husband" as I'm sure you've already seen the message he sent me the other night using your account. Assuming of course that you weren't watching him type that.
This is the matter and it is here after resolved.
Never let it be said that I didn’t give them what they want. In an effort to set your mind at ease about a long dead relationship from almost 9 years ago, I present for your immediate consumption a fully authorized biography of me.
My name is Mike Patterson. I’m 6’4” tall without shoes on and thanks to my nonexistent workout regiment and the fact that my wife happens to be a very good cook I’m currently about 40 lbs over the average weight limit of someone my size. My blood type is O. Can’t be certain if it is positive or negative. Not sure how that works.
I currently work as a salesman in the kind of job that only a missing degree from college can get you. Despite my entry level position, I make a comfortable living. I’m less than a month away from being 30 years old and also a little over a month away from having a 6 month old son. Despite my age, and the certain standards that the established order say I should have, I play video games and can and do converse endlessly about any topic on the subject of comic books. While generally speaking I usually shy away from prattling on and on about myself to the random person, I do have a penchant for being long winded to those that’ll listen as you’re soon to discover.
I know more about movies than any two average people should. I’ve been quoted as saying I’m fairly certain I am funnier than at least 60% of the general population, but I have a tendency to come off as humorless. I’m currently writing and editing two novels that I’m not convinced won’t sit on my computer for the rest of my life. I’m also co-writing a movie and internet series.
I dropped out of college on what should have been my senior year due to lack of concentration and attendance. When asked how much more time I had left before I graduated I embellish the answer for two reasons: 1.To make me look better. 2. I have no idea how much longer it would have taken. That apathy was one of the reasons it was better for me to leave than continue to rack up debt I’d spend the rest of my life paying off.
But let’s get to the time period that I’m sure you’ve wondering about lo these many years:
1994-2000: A brief synopsis of my dating history.
You might be wondering why I’m starting with 1994 since that is 2 years before I dated your wife. A man can never know where he’s going unless he knows where he’s been. And even though they say you should, I don’t want to leave you wanting more. So let’s get a running start at the time frame of November 1996 to February 2000.
My first official girlfriend’s name was Emilie. Mad as a hatter that one, but when you’re 15, not a lot of that matters if you catch my drift. We dated her senior year after my first choice for homecoming date soundly rejected me (before trying to repeal her decision). I decided to stick with Emilie as opposed to switching to the other girl because Emilie could drive. Yes. My first real relationship with a woman was initiated because she was old enough to drive. 11 months of this that and the other and she was off to college, never to be made out with again. (In case you missed my drift earlier.)
Next came Mike’s “blue period.” August 1995-July 1996.
This period found me adrift in terms of love. I went on two dates with a girl named Jolene. Two weeks later, it turned out she was seeing someone else without so much as a “this isn’t going to work out” for me. My ego was more wounded than anything. To be honest, we never really clicked.
I waded for a while in the sea of singleness until January of 1996 when the cruel mistress of fate designed for me to meet and subsequently date a girl named Juli. That cold and distant relationship lasted 5 months, and was about 3 weeks longer than it should have been. A footnote in an otherwise tarnished history of events.
But when you’re all the way down there’s only up. From August to October I rode the waves of being probably the coolest I’ve ever been. It was my senior year. I had one of the leads in the school play as well as no less than two girls vying for my affection. (No more than 2, but no less either).
And so now we’ve come to it. Like I said, I’ll spare details as they A. Have no baring on future events B. Are neither your concern or frankly your business. Plus, who needs that?
Our relationship was a little over 3 years long, which if you ask your wife, was about 2 years longer than she would have liked. She broke up with me not quite a year into it. I convinced her to take me back about a month or so before I ended up kissing some other girl in a moment of absent minded instant gratification.
The majority of our relationship was spent 10 hours apart from each other and I’m sure cost the two of us a number of more fulfilling relationships wherein we could enjoy the company of a person we could actually SEE.
This isn’t to say that our time together was a complete waste. I gained plenty from it such as a biting, sarcastic way of forcing the issue and saying the one awkward thing the group I’m in doesn’t want to outwardly address. (I’m positive you know what I mean by that). And I’m sure she gained a lot from it as well. I know of at least one comedy CD which got this whole conversation rolling.
If I had to put our relationship in words, I’d have to use two separate songs to adequately express. The first one would be the overtly cheese filled Garth Brooks song, “The Dance.” Mainly because every relationship that blossomed and/or wilted around that time could be covered by the lyrics.
The other –and this one came to mean more after the fact— is Linkin Park’s “In The End.” Second verse in particular.
We broke up, I’m sure you know, on Valentine’s Day 2000. Over the phone. I’m not proud. Although it does make for a funny story. Now.
With the exception of like of phone calls, we’ve not really talked since 2000. When we did we were usually arguing about something. Usually her giving me advice and me not taking it.
The 8 years between then and now I’ve done all that stuff at the top there as well as get married to a wonderful woman who gave me a son first try. I haven’t matured a lot but I have grown up. I’ve become responsible. And I’ve moved on. As should we all.
As for Space Ghost CDs, possession is whatever and stuff the law. Enjoy it with my compliments and have a nice life.
Yeesh.
- Thank you for shopping at:THE PARKWAY!
- Current Forecast:
amused - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:1 of 500 songs
We had an 8 o'clock meeting, the whole of which could have been summed up in twenty minutes.
We went back and forth on policies, procedures and sales techniques for a good 2 hours. During which time I discovered a few things. The first being that I need to interalize problems more. I have a tendency to get angry and then complain to other people. That's something I should stop.
Another thing is, that despite the fact that out of probably 20 some employees in this city I'm the 3rd longest employee, I'm not given much responsibility. Which, sure, can be a good thing in terms of not having to do stuff, but is kind of a slap in the face when you're at a meeting and 3 of the 4 of you present have been previously briefed on a specific initiative.
I want to move up in this company, but to what end really? More money? Sure. The experience? No doubt. But I don't see me here long term. I don't. Mainly because while I enjoy most of the people I work with, and its not that demanding outside of getting yelled at, this job doesn't stimulate me anymore. Hell, it barely manages to get beyond complete stupidity and disgust on a weekly basis.
I'm working today with the two biggest Dbags that this company employees. To get that point across, I should mention that they both drive almost matching black BMWs. Each has at least one parent that is vitally important to the existence of the world, (and is paid handsomely for it) and both walk around on their free time with hoodies under North Face vests.
Both of them are part time and in college. One of them has already secured a spot on the manager training program. For those counting, that's the same program I've been hounding my managers to get me into since last September, and have been asking about since last July.
Sitting here today, as we went over a list of positive things we were mandatorily asked to say about one another, 5 out of 7 things revolved around me being fun and or making them laugh. I let that bother me for a few minutes, because I'm not as detail oriented as the rest of them seem to be. But then I realized that getting down about that is retarded.
Of course they're going to say that. Without sounding too egotistical, I AM fun. I can confidently say I'm more fun and funnier than 60% of the people that work in this town.
I would tie myself for the top spot of funniest at this particular office with one other guy.
So suck it up. I'm fun.
And to hell with anyone that can't take a joke.
Which, ironically, is usually me.
Day by day.
The only problem with living day by day though is that sometimes you look around one day and realize 5 years have gone by and you're still washing cars, and have become a miserable prick.
I digress.
- Thank you for shopping at:The Plaza!
- Current Forecast:
cranky - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:song 308 of 500
Ok, I've scrapped the previous two entries under this heading.
The first one was ridiculous and going nowhere.
The second one was my usual rant about how I'm tired and angry.
This one is going to be different.
Let me preface that I'm on day 6 of a 10 day run here at work because I need a weekend off. Apparently that's the only way to get a weekend. So I'm pretty much done with people. 6 straight days of dealing with idiots who can't master the black magic of technology, for anyone that asks, is one day too many for me.
We move on. Mikie is in good health, if not a little too spoiled, for the time being. It's weird using his name. I have no idea why. I'm that way with everyone, not just my own son. I can't seem to stop calling him "the kid."
This might not be with everyone, but it's come up with a few co-workers so I'll explain it here.
Say you have an alarm clock that wakes you up every day with that buzzing sound. Well in your awake status, if you happen to hear that sound, doesn't it send some weird chill through you? Maybe a chill isn't the right way to phrase that, but for me, I get this twinge in my nerves whenever I hear it.
Now, it turns out, whenever a small child is in the store screaming, I get that same feeling as the alarm clock. It twinges the nerves.
Day two: Blew out a sock. I've noticed that when I walk I pull to the right now. Also got urinated on by a stray dog last night.
That's me and my judgmental eyes assuming that were I to live on the street, the odds of a stray dog urinating on me would increase by at least 70%. So in all honesty, the sock thing wouldn't be that bad in comparison.
So maybe I'm not that much like a hobo after all. Though if I were a hobo, and I was presented with a ham sandwich, I would be ALL OVER IT. Even if I wasn't hungry. Just so that analogy can hold true.
Whilst I contemplate the pros and cons of going from full time employee to man of the world (Read smelly homeless Dbag) I'll adjourn for the time. Adieu.
- Thank you for shopping at:PP
- Current Forecast:
blah - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:sound of silence!
People,
Specifically American people,
Specifically American people between the ages of 14 and 65 need to gain a sense of perspective.
I include myself in this number as I am people, American and 29.
WE as a nation. No, we as a SPECIES need to develop some perspective.
I'm expanding beyond America's borders to ALL peoples who are connected to this "global village" nonsense.
The ones I will exclude are Third World Countries and that tribe of people in Brazil.
Everyone else falls into this heading.
But I'm going to focus on the one country I know.
See, just in the last 60 years the world has changed SOOO much. Everything's become much more convenient. Much easier. And we as a species has grown to expect certain amenities. So much so in fact that when something "convenient" starts to give us trouble, our entire world collapses.
This girl, came in here on Friday. Maybe 20? I don't know. Seems like every six months or so (if not less) she is back in here because she's broken her phone. This particular time was the third in a string of incidents where she dropped the phone in the toilet.
3 times she's done this.
Well, I help her start the insurance claim. She can't get a loaner phone because her bill is over 300 dollars, of which, 190 is past due.
So she goes to her car and returns with 4 old phones. Only one of which I can get to work, for a short period of time as the battery is and has been dead for at least 3 months.
She buys a car charger off me for 86 cents.
Well, she goes out to her car, and it doesn't work.
She comes back in. For some reason it wasn't functioning, so I gave her a different one.
But before I gave her the different one she came inside, fell against the doors and said, "Could my day get any worse?"
Can your day get any worse? Let's review this:
1. Its a cell phone. One, I shouldn't have to remind you, that you broke. Not only that, but you were without a phone for about 3 hours.
At 20 years old, I don't know that there was ANYTHING about my life deemed important enough that I couldn't be out of range of a call for 3 hours.
Even and 29 there still isn't anything.
2. You have a new phone on the account now. All you have to do is charge it.
3. You got a $20 item for 86 cents. EIGHTY. SIX. CENTS. When it didn't work, you brought it in and within seconds, you were given one that did work.
4. Besides all this nonsense, you have a new phone coming to you from Tulsa, OK. And it will be in your hands in 3 days time. The only reason it won't be there the next day is because its the weekend.
So what do you think? Is it possible your day could get any worse? Considering you broke your phone and it only took about 15 minutes to get everything fixed. Could something WORSE happen?
You might not think so.
About an hour before this girl showed up, our tech had to leave work early because his brother had an epileptic attack the night before and died from complications.
That? That seems a little worse. What do you think?
When she asked me that from across the store, I said, "Yes. You could lose a leg. That would be worse."
I said it light heartedly because I need the job, but I wasn't kidding.
Like I said, I'm just as guilty of it. Just as much if not more than others. You need your perspective reset from time to time. Unfortunately, we as humans, get complacent and forget. And generally it takes drastic examples to pull us back out.
Next time she's in, maybe I'll help pull her back out by breaking her arm.
- Thank you for shopping at:KK DR
- Current Forecast:
ire - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:NoNe
By they, of course, I mean you and me and pretty much everyone else.
I'm opening the store today and I had to write down the date.
Its the 17th. Christmas is 8 days away.
And frankly I couldn't care less.
I started the season (around the early part of November like the rest of the commercial world) with optimism. I was fully prepared to enjoy myself this year and get into the whole spirit of it.
But its died.
In fact, for me, it's kind of in the way this year. About the only joy I'm going to derive from it is that I have two days off in a row.
I don't know if its the economic hard times that's causing this onset or not.
I think its because I'm grown up and the grand get togethers that we used to do are a thing of the past.
We would go to my grandparents Christmas eve, hang out with all my relatives and then head home so I could get to sleep to get my presentst the next morning.
Yeah, we're still getting together and that'll be fun, but I don't know. It's lost its wonder.
According to Hollywood, this year (with no one having anything) should be about the best Christmas ever because we've put petty materialism aside and found the true meaning of Christmas. It's the poor folks that have the most amazing holidays.
Well, I'm most certainly broke.
So how come I don't care?
Maybe its the day in, day out routine of being amongst the working force. That's the most likely suspect. It turns every day into just a day.
Just another 8 hour shift. Or more, depending where you work.
Maybe its all these things.
Whatever the reason, I'm just over it. I have been for about 6 or 7 years now.
According to Hollywood, I should be getting visited by somebody to shake me out of my tedium...
Well, I hope they know where to find me.
I'm only ever in one of two places.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- Thank you for shopping at:KKDR
- Current Forecast: chipper
- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:Christmas Music overhead
Call me what you want; smartass, jackass, or some other word with the word ass attached somewhere.
But the fact of the matter is I simply cannot be bothered.
Yes, even now during the Christmas season. Even during these times of want and woe.
I come to work today, even though as I was warming up the car I got a text asking if I can stay until close. I've skipped out on a few other things this week, so I figured, sure. It's only an extra hour, but now I have to close.
Somehow, a different store's manager's two flat tires make this my responsibility.
I'm here now, against my will. Against every instinctual impulse.
And the first customer of the day, who had been sitting in the parking lot since around the time I got here, comes staggering up to the counter, wanting to pay their bill.
I ask about the phone number, they give it, and in the momentary silence between them telling me and me giving them the balance, they mutter, "My house burned last night."
I say I'm sorry, holding back the temptation to say, "Frankly, we've all got problems. I've got them, my boss has them, my co-worker has them, and so do you. And while yours are a little heavier than the usual fare, I haven't the slightest idea of who you are. The only reason I know your name is because I'm staring at your account.
I'm not a fireman, repairman, insurance man or Spiderman. I can't help you, reimburse you or save you.
This information doesn't do anything but make this transaction between us that much more awkward.
So why are you telling me this?"
But you can't say that. Because its Christmas time. Or more importantly, I need to have a job.
Sure, on some level I feel bad for what happened to them, but that's instantly dissolved the moment they started to
unpack their problems on me.
If I have known you for more than, I don't know, 10 seconds, I might have a little more genuine concern.
But since you don't know me from LITERALLY the cashier at Starbucks, save your story for the proverbial 'someone that cares.' Because I can't be bothered.
Wow. I feel awesome today.
- Thank you for shopping at:KK DR
- Current Forecast: chipper
- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:It WAS Billy Ocean. I don't know what this is now...
Well, turns out I didn't use ONE Back to the Future reference today. Not because I forgot, I just never found a good opportunity to bring one up.
Not that I was on the edge of my seat in anticipation today either. You should know me better than that, my ADD simply won't allow it.
So tonight, I caught up on some DVR stuff, and as I wrapped it up, I went to live TV to discover that the movie Sky High was on.
Heaven help me, I watched it. Again. I've seen it a few times actually, and if I'm honest I don't mind it.
I will admit its sad to see the likes of Kevin McDonald and Dave Foley have to slum it for a paycheck as they pander to an audience too young to realize their genius. Not that I'm casting stones. I'd have loved a part in that movie.
Just because, as you should realize by now, that's my genre. I've even seen that absolutely terrible movie The Specials a couple times. The second time I got it off Netflix. IMDB it if you have no idea what I'm talking about and want to.
YIKES.
And yes, before you ask, I own My Super Ex-Girlfriend. No, its not an award winner, but its ok. At best. Eddie Izzard is funny and of course Uma Thurman is hot, (doubly so as an unstable super human).
That's the movie that damn near gave me a heart attack. Around the time they had started filming it, there was a blurb about it in Entertainment Weekly. It talked about a normal guy that dated a superheroine.
Well sonofab-- oh. Nevermind, we're still good.
So then The Soup comes on and I start watching in absolute befuddlement at the world, but more importantly California. More Specifically Southern California, where apparently all you have to do is EXIST to have a TV show about your inactive boring life.
By the way, I learned tonight that Britney is "IT" again. Yeah, ok. If you dopey bastards say so.
Well this stirred something in me, the way absolute detest always does, and I started making notes for HERO. The..ahem...follow up to Freak. Its the second in the series, but its nothing to do with Freak, just the city from the original.
So I'm currently, or at least I was until I stopped to post, amid a planning session to get that book up and running.
If ever there was a time when Superhuman stuff was relevant, then son, we're AMONGST it.
Actually, before I lose steam, I should probably get back to it...
- Thank you for shopping at:LPS
- Current Forecast: annoyed
- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:My playlist "SHORTS"
I say commissioned, but I'm pretty sure that implies that I have or will be at some point compensated for my drivel
that I and I alone find amusing at best.
No, I was more begged by a company of my peers to do it.
Well, not begged so much as sought after.
And not a company so much as a direct report.
And not really peers so much as one guy.
Well if I'm honest, it was one guy, making an off handed remark about the whole thing moments before he dismissed it altogether and
got on with more important thoughts about his real job which my caffeine induced sense of "humor" was keeping him from.
I've simply lost you haven't I?
Well, I'll be perfectly honest, I'm not all that sure I know exactly where I am myself.
I've been propped up by soda all day (32 oz Awesome for $.75? Joo crazy thinking I'm not all over that) after getting about 3 1/2 upwards of 4 hours sleep last night. And here it is again, midnight...ish and I'm still awake.
I want to have a proper post as its been too long, but the more I write, the more you realize why its been too long.
The Dark Knight comes out on Tuesday, so that's what I'll be doing up until about the 23rd, with a 2 day intermission and then back to it on the 26th.
I have an idea for something for the kid. I'm not going to go into it now because to describe it would be too inane and lose so much of the amusement.
It came to me in a vision one day (I was not hanging any kind of clock at the time just to be clear*) when Patti was discussing something.
I thought of it only in jest, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it to really happen. And now, I do not intend on continuing life without it. I simply have no idea if I'd be able to cope.
Once I have a better idea of what it looks like, (and how in the world I can get it together) I will post a full entry on the matter.
For the time being I think I'm going to adjourn.
*Not that I should have to mention this but that's a movie reference. My first for these particular 24 hours. Need to see how many I can legitimately make by midnight tonight...
- Thank you for shopping at:LPS
- Current Forecast:
crazy - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:Fable II chanting in the BG
If you'll indulge me a moment.
Something that's playing both on my mp3 player, and in my brain.
Big Enough
by Chris Rice
None of us knows and that makes it a mystery
If life is a comedy, then why all the tragedy
Three-and-a-half pounds of brain try to figure out
What this world is all about
And is there an eternity, is there an eternity?
God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough
Lying on pillows we’re haunted and half-awake
Does anyone hear us pray, "If I die before I wake"
Then the morning comes and the mirror’s the other place
Where we wrestle face to face with the image of Deity
The image of Deity
God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough
When I imagine the size of the universe
And I wonder what’s out past the edges
Then I discover inside me a space as big
And believe that I’m meant to be
Filled up with more than just questions
So, God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough
‘Cause I am not big enough
- Thank you for shopping at:LPS
- Current Forecast:
blank - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:See above or below, depending on where this is to the entry.
As I'm prone to get on this LJ and moan incessantly about work, I thought I'd take a break from all that
and give a full blown dissertation on why I think everyone in charge of entertainment has gone "Full Retard" as Kirk Lazarus once said.
Now, perhaps it isn't everyone. Maybe that's a sweeping generalization that's a little further reaching than I'd like to make. You'll have to excuse me as I'm fresh from a look through the TV guide magazine thing Patti picked up for me because its got some of the cast of Heroes on it.
So let me start there. With Heroes.
I haven't read the article about the show. I might still or I'll wait until after tomorrow night because Patti said it had a spoiler alert in it.
So I haven't read it and as such don't have a clue as to what might come, but I have to say I am very hesistant to say the least. Hesistant and anxious.
How could I not be? After season 2. After realizing Nikki is still alive. (Seriously?) After watching the Mexican crying chick come back to life at the end of 2.
After watching someone kill Nathan, which that made me sad because I really like the character, but then to see promos where he's still alive for season 3...that doesn't make me happy. That enrages me.
You killing him was kind of a cliffhanger. And now he's up and walking around.
What?
I don't care how great of a character he is, you don't just BRING HIM BACK.
I know they set up the precedent where you can die and be brought back to life by some blood. That's at best a one off. You don't use that to bail out of a plot point you don't like.
WHY THE HELL IS NIKKI STILL ALIVE?! WHA
...
So the tagline is GOOD WILL BATTLE EVIL.
And that's fantastic.
The only problem, like so many times before, is that Good always wins. Ultimately. Bad will win a battle or two but the war goes to the good guys.
And that's retarded.
I know we're in a new climate where good winning all the time is corny, and maybe the Dark Knight will give these people the balls to make the bad guys BAD.
Especially Sylar.
I want the first episode (i'm willing to settle for half) to be about him going around murdering, stealing, vandalizing, destroying on his way to becoming the strongest superhuman of all time. That's what I want. I want to watch as he slices the top if Nikki's head off and then sets fire to her body and scatters the ashes so that there's no returning for her.
I want him to trim away all the excess fat on the show within the first 20 minutes. That means Nikki, Mexican girl, Katrina sympathy vote girl, and anyone else that's just wasting our time. (You better step up your purpose Cheerleader...)
Although there seems to be something thats going to happen to Claire and that's awesome.
What I'm getting at is, the bad guys are always so much more interesting to watch. They have no rules. No restraints. And to have them lose is stupid.
Unless you do it right. Unless there's a genuinely GOOD excuse as to how they lost. Not some contrived business where they're powers are turned against them. Stupid.
Another thing, come to think of it, is that they ALL need to step up their purpose.
They need to quit wasting our time and start USING these powers instead of pissing and moaning about them.
And that's the Show I LOVE.
Lets move on.
PRISON BREAK.
I told myself that even though I didn't watch the season finale (big shock they BROKE out of PRISON again) that I was going to give it a chance. I was going to watch the 2 hour premiere.
It took me, I kid you not, 7 minutes. Commercial breaks included.
Michael hunts down the person that killed Sara. (Reminding you that on a previous interview one of the creators stated that 'when someone dies, you know they're gone.') And as he cocks the trigger, she informs him that Sara's not dead. Not dead. NOT. DEAD.
At that point, I was over it. All the wacky suspenseful adventures that I'd gone on with them, they were all dead to me.
Why is heroes different then? If you know they're alive. Because like I said, they set that precedent and gave themselves a get out of death free card. Prison Break, I was told, had no such card as it was grounded in reality. (ish)
So now Sara's back alive and who gives a damn? The 13-17 year old Teenage girl demographic at which the show is apparently now aimed.
I've washed my hands of it.
Smallville
Speaking of washing my hands of things...
Even though I should have stopped watching this around the end of season 5, I kept on for some stupid reason.
I wasn't as faithful with viewing last season because what they've done to Superman's early years should almost be a crime.
Well, the other night, I turned on the DVR to see what I had and it seems that my series recording of Smallville picked up the season premiere.
Lex has left the show because you don't hang around a sinking ship> You get a life preserver, make a few cameos on Gilmore Girls to re-establish yourself as NOT Lex Luthor and you get the hell out of there.
Patti was right when she said that without Lex, what's the point? See? My wife, with zero clue on all subjects superpowered gets it. SERIOUSLY.
Well, NAY! said they in charge. Superman has a wealth of villains to fight! Lex Luthor is just one of many in the Rogue's gallery! We've covered (ie destroyed) Zod, Brainiac and Bizarro! And we've still got a bunch to go! We'll pull from that endless font of over 70 years of material!!
"Oh. Alright." We said. "You're executive producers and writers and are making all this money to make the show, so you have an informed decision making process. WOW us with the next big thing. Who is next?"
"..." The group looks at each other.
"Metallo?" I ask.
"No."
"Parasite?" I offer.
"No."
"Darkseid? That'd be awesome."
"Who?"
"You aren't going to go with the Toyman are you?"
"No!"
"Then who?"
"Oh you'll like this!" they pause for dramatic effect. "A girl that works for LutherCorp. She's like, Lex's top lady."
"..."
"She's like a less bald, more sexified Lex." They wait with their stupid smiles on their faces.
"Are...you...Is this a joke? You're messing with me right? There isn't going to be another season, you're just toying with us."
"No. There's another season!"
"And the best you can muster is the female version of Lex Luthor?"
"It'll bring a new angle to the Clark/Lex dynamic."
"By adding sexual tension? For all the One Tree Hill fans right?"
"We've got the Green Arrow!" He says desperately.
"In Smallville. With Clark Kent. NOT Superman."
"I see that's not going to be enough for you!"
"Its retarded so far!"
"How about this fanboy? How about...wait for it...Doomsday."
"Excuse me?"
"That's right. Doomsday."
"Doomsday Doomsday?"
"Precisely!"
"The same Doomsday that's buried in the Earth, and has been for a millenia, lying dormant until that one fateful day he wakes up and finally KILLS. Effing. Superman. Him?"
"YES!"
"We're going to put a new spin on him!"
"I'm listening." I say not listening, but looking around the room for a length of cord to strangle the life out of them.
"Ok." One of them rolls up his sleeves and starts his pitch. "In our version, Doomsday is a “hot bartender” at a club called the “Ace of Clubs” who has “something inside of him that he can’t control”. Lois will, apparently, be a regular at this club, and will somehow be involved with the character."(DIRECT QUOTE)
I stop winding the lamp cord around my fists. "A bartender."
"A HOT one. Yes."
"A hot bartender that Lois is going to get involved with." I clarify.
"Yes. And he's got rage issues. Think the HULK."
"Why? Why would I think the HULK FOR F****ING DOOMSDAY! WHY WOULD THE HULK EVEN CROSS A PERSON'S MIND WHEN THINKING OF DOOMSDAY?! WHAT THE **** IS HAPPENING?! WHY HAVEN'T THEY FIRED YOUR WORTHLESS ASSES?! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?!"
And that was when I woke up screaming. Breathing heavy, the sheets twisted around me, my body shivering as I glistened in a cold sweat.
"A dream! Merely a dream!"
Patti comes into the room and asks me if I'm ok.
I shake my head and try to catch my breath.
"Here." she says, laying a magazine on the bed next to me. "Its the new TV GUIDE. It's got Sylar on the cover."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
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- Current Forecast:
enraged - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:silencio!
Well, about two weeks ago, amidst all my revisioning whirlwinds, I took a chance and reached out for a bit of help.
See, there's only two people here that know I've written a book, and Bob is officially the second. The first was informed about 3 days before Bob. I asked Bob, amongst all the people he knows, did he happen to know anyone that's been published, of someone that might know some tips about doing so.
He had a guy in mind. He hadn't talked to him in a while, but he said he'd send him an email and see what he could find out. I thanked him and went about my business.
Well these weeks have passed and Bob and I haven't really had a chance to get back to the subject. He went on a weekend...for lack of a better word, "bender" where he spent 4 days with about 30 guys and, I'm pretty sure according to his agenda prior to leaving, planned to spend the majority of the time off his tits drunk. I mention this only, because he said he knew another guy who had been published that was going on this excursion and he would talk to him as well.
Well, yesterday, Bob sent me this email that I've only this morning checked.
Mike -I had gotten an e-mail from David in response to your request for some tips about publishing. I had asked for some clarification, but won't be getting a response. This is the second time this month I have read about a friend's death on Yahoo news. I hope it is the last. I'll see you Monday. Bob
Now , I'm not the type that wants to take a tragic loss of life and make it all about me, unless of course I was directly responsible for that person's passing. (Come to think of it, if I was responsible, I'm thinking I'd be even LESS likely to make it about me...)
That being said, What the hell? What kind of luck is this I have?
I know what you're thinking, "Mike you're a selfish insensitive prick."
First of all, relax. Its a joke. I don't genuinely think that. Now.
I'd be lying if I didn't for the briefest (is that a word?) of moments think about myself and what this means for
getting published. You won't begrudge me for that, because YOU would be lying if you said you wouldn't do the same were you to find yourself in this situation.
It turns out that the guy, David Foster Wallace, hanged himself on Friday. news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080914/ap_en_ot/ob
So that's kind of crazy don't you think?
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- Current Forecast: discontent
- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:NYSYNC (OH)- Justin's tired of singing
Bored as I was tonight, (and not wanting to work any further on the book tonight) I got to the business of action figure making.
I had done tried doing an action figure of my main character, but he's a very plain character. Just pants and a Tshirt really.
A couple weeks ago I was trying to figure out lips. Well I still haven't got it down, but one thing that did come of it was Jon's cartoon head.
(Jon's the main character in case you wondered.)
So here his face is.
Well tonight I wanted to try again on a female face. The usual happened. I made a head and just about the time I started to work out the neck, I smashed in the face a bit. DOH!
I started again, this time with a less narrow face and with a bit more weight to it.
I decided I'd make a figure of my character The Gorge.
I've posted his appearance over on
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
soupkitchen
It looked really good when I got done. The picture doesn't help capture it, but he had 2 1/2 chins. As I kept building, they got a little lost, but his bulbous nose is still recognizable. 
He doesn't have any eyeballs. Now that I've baked it, I wonder if I'll put any in. We'll see.
This one, honestly, is my best so far. The first one was too big and I had no idea what I was doing. The second was too small and I couldn't get the face right. This one, is almost spot on. I haven't yet gotten to painting them and stuff but, either way.
This is his outfit which looks more like a moomoo than a shower curtain, but if I get around to painting him that will probably change.
This is the best I could do for 'tree trunk arms.'
He's not as fat as he should be either.
But for a first attempt, I'm overall pleased.
I finally figured out the size to make them, so that's something.
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- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:The assassination of the reverend Jesse James by some dude named Bob.i
So I decided to muck about and see if I couldn't get everything on the laptop shared and transferred over to the computer.
WELL! Lemme tell you something. I don't know how or why, but everything I did last night in terms of tense changes was GONE.
GONE, baby. Effin' GONE.
I don't know how considering I saved every little thing I did any time I had to move away from the stupid thing.
Anyway, there was a segment that I was removing and putting back in a different part, and then a re-write for the missing piece which I've posted over on the
soupkitchenLuckily, both segments were saved in their own files. The piece I took out, however, was ALSO edited and then put BACK INTO the full copy of the book. (So even if by some completely unrealistic chance I had NOT saved the whole thing by that point, I most assuredly did when I reintroduced it in a different part of the book.
OH. And also, that edit for that segment? Yeah. Didn't save either.
Thankfully, I only had about 7 pages to do (not including the reworked segment) so I just sped through and got half of them done right now.
I have a funeral tomorrow so I need to hold off on the last part until later.
Aggravating though. UGH!
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- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:silencio!
Bad news: My computer contracted something.
Thus we had to start all over. And I mean ALL over.
EVERYTHING is gone.
Good news: I have copies of a lot of things both on my laptop and my drive at work. (Thanks Coliseum for allowing me time to write my book and other stuff.)
There are a LOT of things that I don't have. A lot of notes about "My Heart Lies" not to mention any copies of it I might have had. I think I have something in my email folders with it. I'm not genuinely worried as I know you have it Bryan.
Anyway, something compelled me this last week to go back over my book and patch it up a bit.
And by "patch" I mean turn present tense to past tense.
And by "a bit" I mean 170 of the 198 pages.
Well, wth my computer going the way of John Travolta (working, not working, working again. you get it) I haven't sat at it but once, due to the absolute defeat I feel having ALL that music, work, and programs completely obliterated.
Strangely enough, my seeming incapability to create anything new actually played out for the good in this case because if you GOT nothing, you LOSE nothing. My lack of creative prowess however still bothers me.
BACK TO THE POINT, man I get side tracked easy, not wanting to even look at my other computer, I decided to put Microsoft office on the laptop.
(I had previously delayed doing it because this laptop is tempermental about accepting new stuff.)
Office went on the laptop with such ease, I almost felt like the software was giving me the finger.
Having spent a few hours at work the week before working on changing the tense in my book, I decided I'd see what I could do about continuing the work here at home, now that it was on the laptop.
The first 40 pages took about 5 days at work.
Page 41 through 162 took me from Sunday night, monday and tuesday at home, and about an hour, off and on today.
I've got a total of I think 9 pages left to change, and I'm simply not going to do it tonight. It will, and I mean BEYOND A DOUBT, be done by midnight tomorrow.
Tuesday, I started at about 9:30, having gotten up to go to a 730 meeting on my day off. I worked a bit, fell asleep, worked some more, fell back to sleep, worked worked worked and stopped. Patti came home from work, we hung out doing whatever it is we do, and by 830 I was back to work on it until 130.
You're like, "what the crap was taking you so long?" Which you shouldn't be because I said why, but if not I'll get into it.
What I was doing was taking EVERY. SINGLE. MOTHER. F'ing. VERB. in the book, and changing the ES's to ED's, the IS's to WAS's (hehe, izzes to wuzzes) the say's to said's, the have's to had's, can's to could's, will's to would's, etc etc etc.
All the way from page 1 to page 170, (and I'm talking font size 10) where mercifully, the tense finally changes back.
I wouldn't have had to do 170 pages, but about the time I got to page 60 something, I determined that where the book flashes back FROM, needed to be moved back..OOOOOH, about 40 some pages. Which was confirmed when I asked Bryan what he thought and he agreed with me.
The task was daunting, but I knew the beginning would benefit from it and thus the book. To give you an idea of it, had I left the point where it was, I would have finished my tense changes about 1 yesterday.
BUT! I'm 9 pages out! With that completed, I feel a LOT better about sending it out. It's got some other things I'm sure I need to get ready, but I've got it looking good enough to try and pass it off for completed manuscript.
NOW, I need to find some representation.
And on top of that, I need to write the trailer.
Having read the book again (some parts for the first time in a year or so) I've got a better idea of what I can do with it.
But I still seem incapable to create anything. I MUST overcome it. I absolutely must. I know its still in me somewhere, I just have to find it...
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- Current Forecast:
determined - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:Scariest place on earth...I'm not really watching it.
Here we are on the eve of another year.
And like a normal 28 going on 29 year old, I went around the town today looking for comic books and drinking sweet tea from McDonalds.
Well, I went to the comic book store and bought some books. Then I went to Borders later on looking for one I might have missed.
While there I found another NASCAR romance novel...sigh....and then a sign saying they are looking for a sales manager.
I said to hell with it and I got an application and a list of job responsibilities.
So I'll hold off and see if I can't get the sales manager job at US CELLULAR.
Something I've been thinking to mention for some time now revolves around tomorrow.
And its in the spirit of being a responsible 29 year old that I mention this.
I figured that with TDK there would be an influx of Batman wares, or more to the point, Joker wares. Not that I had to specify that to you lot.
Anyway, I've looked around Walmart the last few times I've been there for something, ANYTHING with Joker on it that is for a party. I figured if I found where they were, I could tell Patti and Patti would get them for me.
...
Well I wasn't going to buy my own party stuff, that's sad.
So I went to the factory party outlet or whatever its called and there was some Batman stuff. And an honorable mention of the Joker.
When it comes down to it, I knew I had to decide what I wanted. Did I want Joker stuff for my party or did I want the movie that the Dark Knight was.
Yeah, I'll take the latter. Any day.
So you give, you take. Whatever right?
I've at least got my sweet tea.
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- Current Forecast: calm
- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:The Birdcage
So I typed, "Make your own..." into google and found a site promoting such things as sculpting your own.
And I said, "WHAT?" More specifically I asked...anyway.
SO I went and bought said materials and set about making Karen; one of the main characters in my book.
Well, I got the body and such down...mostly...but the face...troublesome.
As you'll notice from the very very first attempt ever.
Notice her arms are too wide apart. Whatever. Also when it baked, the edges of her arms cracked. Eh.
The face I'll get eventually. For a first attempt I'll take it!
Second time around I went smaller scale.
Naive as I am, I thought the face would be EASIER to sort out. It took at least 5 tries and by the end I was like "good enough!"
After I baked it I pulled it out and accidentally snapped her feet off. Oops.
Then I left it on the coffee table and Patti came back from the 'Sconse and busted off her hand. Oh no big deal. Thanks for that....*shakes fist*
So with busted legs, broken hand and off looking face, I decided on a rush job for the coloring and just used some markers.
Here's no. 2.
Annnnd, that's all I got.
It ain't much, but these are essentially rough drafts.
Oh and its better than YOUR action figure.
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- Current Forecast:
artistic - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:Manic Depressive Mix '08: Yet unsubtitled
I've since gotten into my book and realized that the grammar isn't THAT out of control. There's only a few sentences here and there every few paragraphs that are out of place, and I've resolved to get them fixed as best as I can.
It still doesn't help me get noticed, but we're on the way right? Theoretically.
Anyway, I know its my LJ and all that, and I'm sure readers are low and that's fine. I've almost all but abandoned this.
Which sucks, because its still my favorite of all the time wasting sites around. But regardless of all that, I apologize for that last one.
Stupid me getting down. But with everything that's going on, giving up seems so much easier. Not one to get the hint, I persist. Even if its minimal at best.
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I got tomorrow off, and I thought to myself I'd look into getting something sent out as far as my book goes.
I got to looking for who I should send it to. And I just don't think I have the grammar skills to send it out.
I need to figure out what to do with the book because they aren't going to go through and want to fix the book.
They're going to pass on it.
Sigh.
Then again, its late at night, so what do I know?
I'm looking up agents and all this comes to me. It's a little overwhelming.
I just don't know what to do with it.
I haven't tried that hard really. What? Ten attempts?
But I've gotten two replies, and that makes me wonder if I'm going about this all the wrong way.
Self publishing is still out there.
But its way out there. I don't have the money for that.
Plus, if I wanted to go that way, I'm still missing the whole grammar thing.
Stupid really. Fancy yourself a writer without a real sense of proper grammar.
Its like fancying yourself a navigator without a sense of direction.
Why don't I whine a little more?
GUH.
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- Current Forecast:
crappy - The wind carries a tune that sounds like:batman: TAS in the background
So I was driving home today, and I got behind some guy with a Bible verse for a license plate.
It said ISAH 559.
I don't know much about the Old Testament, and lets be honest, my New Testament's not all that good either, but I do know that Isaiah has at least 55 chapters, so its probably 55:9.
What exactly is that? I have no idea. I know that somewhere there's a prophecy about Jesus in Isaiah so I think its probably something like that. And for the first time in a long time, (if ever) I thought, that's not a bad way to go for a license plate. I mean, if you're going to go with something, at least make it something worth having right? Like your name, or a "life verse" something that's a little more relevant than "actor." By the way, NEVER get that.
I thought, I'd never go with a verse because I drive like a prick sometimes, and that's a bad example, and the last thing Christianity needs is any more lousy PR.
Friggin yikes.
Anyway, I thought I'd look it up when I got home, and yes, I was a left turn from home, and still forgot to do it until right now.
Well, folks, I'm happy to enlighten you as to what this verse was. The one I thought was a good idea, something to promote your faith. Something that shows you aren't ashamed of your beliefs. Something that will get people curious so that they crack the Bible open and maybe get a moment of "enlightenment" for lack of a better word.
So I present to you, (and I looked up to make sure that there wasn't a 5:59) Isaiah 55:9;
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts"
So in this moment, when you can take the time to present to the world your God, you get someone's curiosity piqued, (peaked?) enough to remind them that you're better than they are. (Read: You're a douchebag.)
If I had the power, I would drown that dumbass in his own personal 40 days and 40 nights of flood.
I....
sigh...
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- Current Forecast: Why?
- The wind carries a tune that sounds like:SNL Weekend Update. GTA IV segment. HAHAHA!
